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My Gay Shirt

from Bremelanotide by The Grammar Club

/

lyrics

When I wear my gayest shirt/ my gayest shirt!/ my gayest shirt!/ my gayest shirt./ All the ladies want to flirt/ they want to flirt/ and if they're squirters, then they squirt./ Cause everyone loves me./ In my gayest shirt./ Everyone loves my/ shirt.

I got it on a fabled Christmas several years ago/ I guess they never loved me, it was uncle Bill and tia Flo/ Begrudging smile I was showing as I kindly took their pittance/ Sure, it might have fit, but I could have done without the sequins/ So yeah/ I put it on because I don't aim to offend/ But this apparel is improper in the company of men/ They call the color salmon, it has ruffles and a trail/ Red embroidered kangaroos with red poofs on every tail/ But suddenly I put it on, I'm walking down the street/ Ladies seem to come right up and finally take a note of me/ So I guess I gotta show some love for this atrocious thing/ Because when I dawn my gayest shirt I feel like I'm the king king king!

I tried to hide it underneath some socks and underpants/ But the shirt's the key to my romance, it puts the ladies in a trance/ They can't help but feel on the fabric, can't help but feel on the Beef/ They're digging all the glitter, ruffles, green and pink motif, believe/ That if I could get a girly without this eyesore/ I'd stick it in my desk drawer and burn that mother to the floor/ Shoot the ashes with a shotgun, maybe sacrifice a loved one/ Rocket it into the sun just to make sure the job is done uh/ So what is it about this silly means of dress?/ That is making Beefy studly and the ladies all obsessed?/ But who am I to question such a great miraculous plan/ From whatever deity that chose to make Beefy the god damn man!

It got a flame stripe, running down the side and the back/ and The Lord of the Rings/ tattooed on the ass crack makes me feel like a nerd in it./ That's my werd in it./ So off-brand that you ain't even/ heard of it./ But so what?/ This shirt is making me glad, like its adjective moniker--/ antonym: sad./ Cause when the girls/ see the shirt/ and the shirt's/ on the beef,/ they cannot/ get enough/ of the man/ underneath.

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from Bremelanotide, released December 31, 2007

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The Grammar Club New York, New York

Above art by Hex (zombiehiphophex.deviantart.com)

Album art by Ricky Henry and Joe Dunn

Additional site art by Art League Houston

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