I never get laid.
Hey hey hey hey.
I never get laid.
Hey hey hey hey.
I never get laid.
Hey hey hey hey.
I never get laid.
I never get laid.
I never get laid.

Man I get laid all the time, I got some strange on the side
Kinda scary for a lady not to give me a ride
Except it's all just a lie I tell for confidence boost
But you cannot sell a hoopty if you're telling the truth
And that's the truth, boiy, know what I'm saying?
Dude like me not getting lovin''less a dude like me's paying
I got game, but just the kind with dice and pegs
I just wanna tell some secrets in between your legs
I'm sorry grandma if you're listening, I'll try a little harder
Know that I could be a player if I were just a little smarter
Maybe trick you into thinking that I'm Ethan Suplee
Or I am Keanu Reeves with a really bad bee sting
I'm fluffy, wanna give you my stuffing
With a putnam that's so precious baby you gotta love me
I'm a dapper little rapper and you know that I'm paid
But it never seems to matter cause this rapper yo I never get.

I never get laid
Hey hey hey hey.
(Come swap some DNA with me
Insert tab D into slot P)

Now I've got an SO, I said baby let's roll
I got some candles and some music and the lights are real low
But she just said no, cause what I said not long ago
And now she's mad and I feel like my jeans are about to explode
Oh No! How did this happen?
I was under the impression ladies love them some rappin
And the dancing and clapping, and she knows that I'm handsome
So what if I said her sister looks like Scarlett Johansson?
Looks like it's just practice again
Who needs a woman when I have a little harem of 10?
And I know everything I want, and I know everything I like
I just sit on it till it's numb and call it stranger's delight
I'm psyched! ...now I'm depressed
Shame and the sadness and a hot little mess
So just lemme get dressed and we can hit the arcade
And then commiserate together how we never get, ever get...

[guitar solo]

I make myself feel glamorous
Altogether fabulous, avoid the disastrous
Tracks get scandalous, I hope you're not mad at us
Can't sac Troy when the Trojans can't handle us
Don't pout, get silly
Reboot, get gritty then invade your city
For a hot young filly with a name like Pracilly
Who wants flapjacks, not wack, call Billy

I never get laid.
Hey hey hey hey.
(Three-year-old condoms on my shelf
might to handle it myself)

I never get laid.
Hey hey hey hey.
(D’know how to do it; have to ask.
Forget which hole performs what task.)