by The Grammar Club

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probablyzach thumbnail
probablyzach Honestly, I love everything the Grammar Club does, and Shael and Beefy as individuals, but you throw in a perfect Jesse Dangerously verse and damn does this just make for an excellent song. Favorite track: Phonin' it in.
Hoggrim thumbnail
Hoggrim Lust-inducing indeed, Beef. (those lucky bitches...) Favorite track: Sex Person.
Jay-Radd thumbnail
Jay-Radd AMAZING. The Peanut Butter and Jelly style of Beefy's rapid-fire lyrical excellence and Shael Riley's...uh...Shael-Rileyness makes for a staggeringly fun album. Best of all are the surprise Guest Appearances by fellow indie/nerdcore savants such as MC Frontalot, Kabuto The Python, Jesse Dangerously, Wordburglar, Adam WarRock, and Wheelie Cyberman. Favorite track: Sex Person.
Helmishgen thumbnail
Helmishgen So much talent on this album. Love these guys. Favorite track: Last Good Day.
modem thumbnail
modem I too wish I were a real good sex person. Favorite track: Sex Person.
Garrett Culver
Garrett Culver thumbnail
Garrett Culver The Grammar Club blends pop with nerdcore in the most catchy-damn-way possible. Favorite track: Sex Person.
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released March 8, 2013

Music by Shael Riley and Ty Guenley
Produced by Shael Riley and Ty Guenley
Engineered by Ty Guenley

Vocals by Beefy and Shael Riley
Guitar by Ailsean and Ty Guenley




The Grammar Club New York, New York

Above art by Hex (

Album art by Ricky Henry and Joe Dunn

Additional site art by Art League Houston

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Track Name: Plastic Submarine
I took cutie for a ride in my death cab, scratch that
Sorry man. That was handled by another indie band
Then they blew up and reality shift
When you talked about success, did you really talk about this?
Did you even know this plane exists?
I don't think you can handle this

I grew up in a story book that I could write
City hotter than Tabasco on some dynamite
Do anything to hear my momma say that she was proud
20 years later felt like I could run entire towns
I was put on Earth so I could entertain the masses
So for me it was easy justifying skipping some classes
And I never no freakin' stinkin' badges

Reality is broken
and that’s without a doubt
A disconnect between what you
put in and you get out

divided we,
press on and on and on
I brought my plastic ball so that you all can sing along

(The) world will only distract me from my great work
that’s why I built this plastic submarine
you’re sharper than anyone
put your sleeping pills away
and your good ideas will tuck you in at night

When I created in a vacuum I was so fresh
So clean, I sparkled any track that I blessed
People drove for miles yo just to say they saw me
I never thought all this could happen from a hobby, kid
And did it go to my head? Of course it did.
My favorite band broke up and I still can't get over it
Because they helped me get over, there's still so much I owe
Now when I leave for town there's only 20 peeps at the show
And that's a get. How did it come to this?

Liberty and justice
are trivial pursuits
My game is entertainment,
and I’m seeking new recruits.
So, Why don’t you do what you want to do, while you still can?
We all plastic suits so that you can’t tell who’s a man!


Power corrupts you
But we don’t know about that.
I heard you were voodoo
Now we’ve come
to collect your ass.

you might have littered the landscape with dishonest promises
released under the ocean on your own reconnaissance
anonymous, covered up in hardened up petroleum
laying lowly when the sonar pings. the ball is rolling then
to anywhere, independent oxygen
the onboard cabinet resplendent with intoxicant
the talk you meant to share is echo from the hull
and the clicking of the instruments resurges every lull
every bowl every glass every bubble every breath
descend until you're out of ocean, nothing left
should've guessed your contraption was gonna need winding
staring out the window into darkness like you need reminding
designed for finding distraction from the vastness
of the surface world and its open-air harassments
rotate the gas vents, fish flow in
you've been working on it too long, let it begin

Thirty thousand leagues of solitude, amplitude
pumped up to eleven, find my latitude and longitude
my first love is my distraction and my inspiration
submarine here to facilitate our domination
it doesn't matter if I'm rocking an entire fleet
if I can only average like a single lyric every week
that's super weak hat, and you don't deserve that
track be like Jon Jones, catch an elbow and I'm on the mat
forever how it feels like, maybe I'll be alright
watch my muse get all amused, I try to get the flow right
pull another all night like getting your degree
this my thesis and it's just about as worthless as can be

how my heroes ever do it? and why can't I do the same?
it's like I'm lacking crucial elements and system in my brain
But coordinates are locked. telescoping to the top
we sunk another battleship while Isaac tops me off, what?
and we dive dive
and we dive dive
Track Name: Phonin' it in
Buto bumpin' Weezy and Yeezy up in the ocho,
like Fiddy said I'm finna put the game in a chokehold
Yo, I'ma Chris Nolan it, never be in-phoning it
And owing to my focus I'm dope and the shit
Coping with the dopes and the dips
Whole flow is a bit cocoanuts
Oh, ayo, I'm so, so cold but a bit over it
Listen, you're fucking wack. That's right, you suck at rap
So I ain't up for daps or a bucket of hugs, blaggard
You fucks are getting gutted and stuffed with a cut cabbage
I'ma serve it to your crew up on Stickam, fool
Or slap a turkey-ass rapper back to Istanbul (swag)
Yeah, I don't fuck with a weak scheme
It's why I'll even leave and peep and creep on your street team
And geeks fiend for every free Buto release
Seems the beats'll keep 'em licking it Khajiits preen
Fuck nerdcore, I'ma kick it in the dick, bruh
This is for my hip-hop cat, his name was Tikvah

Cause you've been phonin' it in, boy
you phony baloney
is as does,
why don't you buy me a pony?

With you talk about your power and your money and fame
"Yeah I'm back. Yeah I'm back" It's a goddamn shame

Yeah I'm back. Yeah.
Back phonin' it in

So many quarters that I hold in my sack
I'm phoning all my homies, sadly they ain't calling me back
I'm in the DangerRoom to level my stats
And I don't never ever slack when it comes to these tracks
And don't ask about the last Jack
Stumbled like an asshat
Your punchlines are a joke, like your rhymes should have a laugh track
Don't have to tell me 'bout your mountain of swag, and
Save your city, I don't care where you're at, man
But when you rap like this- cause you wrote it
On a paper in your basement save amazement when I say to yoke it
It's like you get too deep and try to sneak another weak cliche
Like your fans won't make a peep, and ya creep
Like sneaking candy in your pockets out the drug store
You're not a legend in this game, not like rap has got a Rushmore
Once more, it's like you are the king of the worst
And if we're both nerdcore, I hope they hear me first
I click game above the waist, I get my face in outer space
I'm on pace to save the human race
No need for thanks, I'm saying peace

Cause you've been phonin' it in, boy
you phony baloney.
Is as was.
Why won't you leave me alone, yeah?

All your talk about your power and your money and fame.
Nothing bad that you had drove you insane.

Yeah I'm back. Yeah.
Back phonin' it in.

Try harder - otherwise, honestly, why bother?
My zygotic efforts all like "why I oughta"
My psychotic episodes, highs and pathetic lows
Ready, steady, wait a minute, no - let it go
I feel pitiful, my cipher is hypercritical
My political stance comes out in rants but I can't fit it all
Into the origami of a cogent thought...
They think it's all behind me but I hope it's not...
I need the service of a RoboCop rebuilder
Grow-Op weed killers, my photoshop needs filters
I'd be iller if I could call in work to sick
Stall this circus with flawless perfectness
Wait, no... perfectionism is the curse
That has me living in reverse and imprisoned in the earth
Getting burned by art, poems and hard luck sucks
My smartphone's charged up... here we go
Track Name: Sex Person
I make it hot like a Mega Man fire stage. Ho.
Like a Mega Man fire state. Ho-hot

I met you at a bar last night, you were partying
Made a move, I'm a champ, booze on your cardigan
Stay smooth, hey baby let me start again
Looks like you could use another cosmopolitan
You're a room with all the amenities
You a spy sapping more than my sentries
By the way that I thrust and shake
In the bedroom I could give a little more than you can take, so I
Get you home before ya fade to black
Damn love, where your panties at?
I'm not one to take advantage but you're begging for the D
But it's hard to get excited when you're about to fall asleep
So I pack it up and move on to another
Reconsider leaving you with my brother
Needing to ball, see a name on the stall
And I ring-a-ding a booty call

I just want to give
sex to you in a way that you will enjoy
You want to have sex, with a girl or a boy
You fell in lust with me
You fell in lust with me
Beautiful agony
Beautiful agony

Sex on me, baby, any day or night
You wanna get sexed, and I’m doing it right.
I am a real good sex person
real good sex person
real good sex person
real good sex person
real good sex person

I know my body is lust inducing
I know almost everything that I'm doing
I know positions and such
Not trying to be cheeky but I like your butt
Leave your friends baby let's get HIGH
I don't know about you, I'm gonna get MINE
Matching out signs, it's by design
Seen you all night girl and it's about damn time
Kiss your neck baby get you revved
Trail of our clothes leading straight to the bed
It's dark in here, you can't trust your eyes
And I've been told before it's a very good size
No going back, you're in my world
Bravo honey, you make love like an ugly girl
Beautiful just draped in moonlight
You're on the pill, right?

Hey girl, have you read your email lately?
Cause I got a thing for female ladies
And you fit the bill like a duck costume
I wanna take Stuff off you
Always down to get Romantical
We can take our time so tantrical
Animal swerving the verse
Nurse your curves while I Burgle your purse
Oh…Jiminy cricket
What do I do with these Fidgety digits
You got a place for them to hide?
As I keep in touch with your feminine side
mmm yeah that’ll do nicely
Acronym for Coors Light Ice T
Spicy and smooth as moon mist
oooh let’s come again soon miss

Gonna meet her downtown by a streetlight
She's a ten and I'm going six to midnight
What's not to like? She like just my type
Let me buy you things that's overpriced
Off work and I just got paid
Been complaining all week 'bout how I can't get laid
Out of my cave. Hold game, quick save
You don't know it but you just won the jackpot babe
I'm just here to give you sex
Body hurts and you don't get no rest
New positions that we learn, treat ya just like the interns
Sorry for the rugburns, yo yo
I'm just here to give you sex
Body hurts and you don't get no rest
New positions that we learn, treat ya just like the interns
Sorry for the rugburns. Word.
Track Name: Get Laid
I never get laid.
Hey hey hey hey.
I never get laid.
Hey hey hey hey.
I never get laid.
Hey hey hey hey.
I never get laid.
I never get laid.
I never get laid.

Man I get laid all the time, I got some strange on the side
Kinda scary for a lady not to give me a ride
Except it's all just a lie I tell for confidence boost
But you cannot sell a hoopty if you're telling the truth
And that's the truth, boiy, know what I'm saying?
Dude like me not getting lovin''less a dude like me's paying
I got game, but just the kind with dice and pegs
I just wanna tell some secrets in between your legs
I'm sorry grandma if you're listening, I'll try a little harder
Know that I could be a player if I were just a little smarter
Maybe trick you into thinking that I'm Ethan Suplee
Or I am Keanu Reeves with a really bad bee sting
I'm fluffy, wanna give you my stuffing
With a putnam that's so precious baby you gotta love me
I'm a dapper little rapper and you know that I'm paid
But it never seems to matter cause this rapper yo I never get.

I never get laid
Hey hey hey hey.
(Come swap some DNA with me
Insert tab D into slot P)

Now I've got an SO, I said baby let's roll
I got some candles and some music and the lights are real low
But she just said no, cause what I said not long ago
And now she's mad and I feel like my jeans are about to explode
Oh No! How did this happen?
I was under the impression ladies love them some rappin
And the dancing and clapping, and she knows that I'm handsome
So what if I said her sister looks like Scarlett Johansson?
Looks like it's just practice again
Who needs a woman when I have a little harem of 10?
And I know everything I want, and I know everything I like
I just sit on it till it's numb and call it stranger's delight
I'm psyched! I'm depressed
Shame and the sadness and a hot little mess
So just lemme get dressed and we can hit the arcade
And then commiserate together how we never get, ever get...

[guitar solo]

I make myself feel glamorous
Altogether fabulous, avoid the disastrous
Tracks get scandalous, I hope you're not mad at us
Can't sac Troy when the Trojans can't handle us
Don't pout, get silly
Reboot, get gritty then invade your city
For a hot young filly with a name like Pracilly
Who wants flapjacks, not wack, call Billy

I never get laid.
Hey hey hey hey.
(Three-year-old condoms on my shelf
might to handle it myself)

I never get laid.
Hey hey hey hey.
(D’know how to do it; have to ask.
Forget which hole performs what task.)
Track Name: Four Fine Walls
Your hand always feels so good in mine
Well dilly-dally no way baby, hey, we're losing time
Bombs and bullets are just part of the scenes
And at the end your time is written like you've got a disease
So let's Split before you're ending up in a freezer
They put you on the cover till they don't really need ya
The hype gets out there and the book gets sold
But then they push ya stage left before your story gets told.

Move, move, slide to the
move, move, slide to the
drink, drink, bottle of,
drink, drink, bottle of

I'm not crazy, maybe I have a dream
No you're not the victim baby, I need you save me
Let's make it the last scene, move on to the big screen
Know we're way too freaking indie to ever go mainstream
You're the love of my life, hope you dig that
Say you gotta lotta luggage, we can lift that
In no time they'll be wanting us dead
Or I swear they'll have ya wearing little more than a tread

Move, move, slide to the
move, move, slide to the
drink, drink bottle of,
drink, drink bottle of

What’s the worst thing that could happen if we were to bust out of
these four fine walls?
Creeping tempers flare we’ll find our answers there beyond
these four fine walls
sure can bring it on

She walks down the darkest alleys
She got her bag clutched close to her breast
She takes her keys, hands shaking badly
Chest, tight like hallways, ain't that always

The way I see a damsel in distress
Princess not in this one but the next
And we wait, as we watch with some bated breath
For a caped crusader to save her from death

Cuz all I'm seeing is repetitive penmanship
That's steady lacking in ettiquette to feminist aesthetic , it's
Strictly irrelevant, a tree house no more
With a no girls allowed sign hung on the front door

And she's surrounded by walls closing in
She's feeling trapped, forced into the poses
Outfits that cut off her circulation, toes
And fingers into fists as she breaks through the fourth wall

Like John Cusack at his finest
We can leave these walls behind us
Skip the panels then get off of the page
Were not the first to do it baby, just check out my boy Wade
And screw what the fans say, they made it go this way
Jason paid with a Joker wielded crowbar to the brain
Start to feel like all our issues and our days are numbered
But I promise we can find a new world that we can discover
I'm on a brand new crusade
Out to prove there's more to life than the number ya get paid
The number of stock sold, you can't keep it on the shelf
You can bring entire armies, I can do this by myself, uh huh
You're my Wonder Woman and my Power Girl
If I had my druthers I would tell entire worlds
But first we gotta move away from this curse
Everyday we live with danger so how could it get worse? Huh?
Track Name: No Worry Birdie
I know you've been so good.
I know you're probably thinking
That you don't need me anymore

But when I look into you eyes
My stare can pierce your body
below your stitching
I know you're itching
I want you twitching

If you need somebody who can study
you can study with me
I'll get you bloody
teach you all about your biolo--baby!

It's OK.

Ooh. You get so nervous.
Get so nervous
What you nervous about
You work it work it
'til you feel like it's about to go

I feel like someone else
I could be your teacher
and one thing's certain
I've got the learning for your yearning
Ooh. You shiver and you shake.
I ike the way your body is honest with me
and copiously,
you've soaked your panties

OOooooo baby girl, howdy there
Can I stare? I don't think we've met
Peerless and I'm fearless, rarely beerless
But ya know I will not make you fret
Make you sweat, get you set
On your mark? Then it's best to go
But I got some scars like Hush, and I need you to push
Till you feel like you're about to blow
I'll be your slutty study buddy, with a slide rule and a strap
And if you need me then I'll be there with a ScanTron for dat ass
I'll make you laugh, make you cry, make you want to say good bye
But don't worry about me, at a quarter past three, I'll be up on my feet, moving on with my life
Track Name: Last Good Day
Stick a for in my, mamma, I'm done.
That was the last good day on Earth
when I lived there.
Now it's all become a war because of you.

Leaving is picture perfect.
And look how we've seen it through.

I wear my heart on my sleeve. chip on my shoulder.
It gets a bit heavier as I grow older
Revolutionizing industry, we got on the teat
Writing checks for you to cash, and never save the receipt
Queuing up to the buffet with a couple of plates
Then one day they say they ran out, I say they made a mistake
I cut my losses, hold my profits then move on to the next
Because I had you when you're pretty and I have no regrets
I gotta blast off, gotta take off till I'm free in the clear
Keep em distracted with some actions, got stir up the fear
And then move in with a redhead with a world of potential
A down payment what I'm making. You were only a rental
Don't get mental, sometimes sacrifices have to be made
And let's be honest man, who really wants to stay in this place?
So all your lovers they can love you till you're dead and you're gone
And so long. Thanks for all of the fish. Au Revoir

Hey Beefy I see we gotta write it out like graffiti.
Gotta make it obvious, OK? No debating the deeper meaning.
I want, I take, I get, then use it up.
Swallow it whole, don't chew it up.
Devour, diminish, demolish, I'm not finished.
Then it's set 'em up, knock 'em down.
Feed 'em up, and then bleed 'em out.
Chop, chop, chop to divide them,
Keep 'em medicated, don't excite them.
Follow the light, believe the hype,
don't look outside, it's heated now.
Call this a myth? Just wait a bit.
You'll suffer then, so believe me now.
Get up, get up, it's Wheelie C.
Everybody knows that I got to eat.
I got ego, I got needs.
I want to make another mouth to feed.
I want a car and a new TV!
I want it all, give it to me!
Gonna build my legacy with an Octomommy pregnancy.
Let's breed. Let's hatch.
Let's pop 'em out and then spread 'em 'round.
I need a match.
We build it up, so let's burn it down.
I love you. Your just my type.
You're so perfect, you're so fine.
I will use you, eat right through you,
ruin you, make you mine.


Was it really better when you were alone?
Say you're beautiful before guys like me came along
It was plentiful, bountiful, and enjoyable
You act like I'm the only one who really made it horrible?
Mother Gaia such a martyr, but you burn yourself
Can you blame me just because I wanted something else?
when I was born you said I'd never have to worry
so I didn't, now you act like you're the one that's in a hurry, birdie

Breaking no sweat for the truth. Don't want it.
Can you put your finger on it?

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